Of Lies and Tears
by Shogunate
Summary: Shinji and Asuka. The last two humans trapped in a desolate world. How will they survive in the world after the Third Impact? My first fic ever.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or any of its characters. So don't sue me. Me have no money. Me poor. Please have mercy.

Yo, people. How y'all doing? Fine, I hope. Well…this is my first fanfic ever. So…constructive reviews are always welcome. Flame me if you want, but trust me, it will have consequences(just kidding). Now, this is supposed to be an average-sized story. However, if people actually enjoy it, I will make it longer. wink: hint, hint. Now, without further delay, I fell myself obliged to initiate this story. Hope y'all like it.

**Of Tears and Lies**

_Why did it have to end like this?_

Third Impact.

The end of the World.

Extermination of an entire humankind. The ultimate result of a failed attempt to perfect our race.

_How did it happen?_

Instrumentality. The key and solution to human unhappiness. A bold attempt to unite all of humanity into a single collective mass of souls, in which there would be no individuality, no Other, no Self. There would be only Us. Thus a perfect world would be created, without any pain, no emotions to hurt us, no AT Field to separate us, nothing, nothing but existence. A perfect achievement indeed, for without a concept of "I" or "Them", there would be no collisions or differences, everything would fall down to an indifferent reality.

_Then why does it sound so wrong?_

Human emotion. Human Imperfection. All of our suffering is encompassed by our inability to understand each other. Thus we suffer. Thus we cry. But if there were no pain or agony, how would we differentiate between happiness and unhappiness, sadness from joy, hatred from love? The world would blank and empty, nothing to fill it, no one to inhabit it. There would be nothing to feel.

It is true that humans would be perfect. But at what cost? We would sacrifice the one thing that makes all of us humans: our imperfection. For imperfection holds its own beauty, the tragedy of fall and the joy of ascension, the corruption of sin and the hope of redemption…and is this road through which we strive that makes us all of us the more beautiful: the capacity to go on despite the adversities, to overcome each and every barrier that crosses our way. And fight for our own value.

_I see._

_**Why do I live? Perhaps I live to know the reason why I live…**_

Author's Notes: Well, this is just an introduction to get you into the mood. Don't hate me. Love me. Read. Review. Make someone happier, if only for a moment.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Me Poor. Me have no money. Don't sue me.

" "- Thoughts

' '- Speech

_**Sometimes, it is only in solitude that we find solace.**_

**Of Tears and Lies**

**Chapter 2**

"Why is it so empty?"

Darkness fell to Earth. The world was destroyed by the Third Impact, stripped of all life and left as a desolate desert, without dreams nor hope. Red clouds loomed over the black sky, casting shadows over the agonizing Earth. The LCD ocean submerged the little that remained, that ocean of life, ocean of blood…

All that remained was emptiness. A strange sense of peace reigned over the apocalyptic scenario, the full moon shone above the night sky, comforting the shattered Earth with its pale light. All that remained was the gigantic head of Lilith, with her angelic whiteness and crinsom eyes, staring, staring to a desolate planet, her face a mixture of surpire and mockery to the destiny that befell humanity. If you can call humanity two 14-year olds.

A brown haired boy lay on the pale sand. Wearing a school uniform, arms stretched, eyes perscrutating the starry sky, mind wandering off to the reality which had escaped him.

"It seems so far away, now…The times when life wasn't such a pain. Even though it was fake, I really thought I was content at that instant of my existence. Everything I felt in that moment, was it real? Was I happy? Yes, I think I was happy. I think…Why am I never sure of what I do? Of what I am?

Third Impact didn't change anything. I felt so empty inside, when I was there. There was everything, thus there was nothing. It didn't feel right. It was just a mass of souls, without thoughts or shape. Ayanami...I guess she was an angel after all. The hope that humanity would finally understand each other. Love. Hope. It's never going to happen, right? I'm alone in this world and no one will help me. Help me, love me, hold me...

Maybe I don't deserve to be happy. I hurt so many people in my life. Toji, Misato-san, Rei, Father, Kensuke, Hikari, heck, even Asuka. I never know what I'm expected to feel, to believe in. It looks like I experienced nothing but bitter memories. That's who I am. That's who I've become…I hate myself. I hate! I hate! I hate! Why am I so weak? Why can't I choose! If I never get stronger, people will always hurt me, abandon me, hate me. 'Cause I'll have no value to them. I will be worthless. That's what Asuka would say. Asuka,

Asuka!"

There she was. Lying by his side. The girl who so utterly despised him, who hated him. Asuka Langley Sohryu. That red-headed demon, why was she the only one left besides him? "Who could've brought her? Not me...Not me, right?" Strange…Just lying there, staring at the sky, bandages covering her right arm and left eye; she seemed somehow fragile. Her red hair falling on her face. So beautiful…

" NO! If I let her stay with me, life will be hell! It's bad enough being alone here, but being with Asuka…NO! She hates me, and she will only hurt me more! She can never understand me, she can never understand my sorrow. The fear of being alone forever. The fear of being rejected!"

Madness slowly crept its way to Shinji's eyes, his dark blue orbs dihalating in the anxiety of killing.

_Berserker._

'No more pain, no more pain...' He slowly rose from the comfortable sand, making his way to the red-headed girl who lay next to him. Heads down. Slowly clenching and unclenching his fists, Shinji sat on top of her.

"Kill her! Kill her! Kill her so you won't suffer!"

His hands pressed her neck, choking, strangling her. Rage and grief possessed him, forcing him to break her neck, ever stronger, take away all of Asuka's breath. The girl didn't react, her eyes gazing to the sky. Until-

"Ngh…"A bandaged hand twitched. Blue eyes started to focus on a brown haired boy straddled on top of her.

"Why am I doing this?". Asuka slowly lifted her arm, putting her hand over Shinji's face, caressing him ever so softly. "He was about to kill me." Her hand lingered on his cheek. "Maybe...I don't want to be lonely anymore."

Her hand fell softly to the sand as tears started to drop on her face. Shinji cried, sobbing uncontrollably as tears went down his eyes; his hands felt so weak now. " I can't kill her. Even after all she has done to me, I can't kill her...Why? Why...?"

'I feel sick…' Asuka interrupted him.

Shinji stared at her, mouth agape. Asuka looked back at him, deep into his eyes. Their gazes locked and minutes passed by, but neither one of them noticed. Time itself seemed to slow down to contemplate the two children.

'Why are you crying, baka?'

Asuka tried to lift herself from the ground, but something heavy was preventing her from doing so. She gazed up to Shinji.

'How long do you plan on staying there, Shinji?'

'S-sorry' Shinji mumbled as he got up. Suddenly, Asuka felt cold. Her red plug suit didn't help to keep her body warm, and the wind blew incessantly over her thin frame. As she observed the ruined world, Asuka noticed that she had started shivering. 'Sheist!' she hissed. Trying to warm herself up, Asuka pulled her knees up to her chin and embraced her legs tightly.

"How could this happen to me...? Stuck in this screwed up world, shit, I should have stayed There. At least, it didn't hurt so much." She glanced at Shinji. "Well, at least I'm not alone in this hell. But I don't need him. Not this baka. I don't care about him"

_Then why did you touch him?_

Asuka glanced at Shinji again. The boy was standing up close to the shore, gazing at the horizon. His dark blue eyes looked so sad, as if all of humanity's burdens were placed on his shoulders. Asuka felt a pang in her heart. She could help him…

'Hey, Shinji.'

Shinji turned his head to her. A frown could be seen in his face.

'What?'

'Why…' Asuka gulped 'why don't you sit n-next to me?'

'H-huh?' He blushed.

'Just come sit next to me, baka!' Asuka was blushing too. 'It's cold after all. And I could use someone as a living heater, you know' Trying to cover her red cheeks, she hid her face on her knees.

Shinji was confused. "Why would she want my company?" The boy repeated to himself as he dragged his feet towards the red-headed girl. Asuka looked so small, so helpless in that fetal position. As if she were trying to escape from pain by hiding herself.

_Humans are so sad… _

Shinji sat next to her, keeping a safe distance between themselves. He wasn't very sure of what to do. Then he saw her shudder. Tears were sliding down her cheeks as muffled sobs came out.

"Why am I crying…? I promised myself I wouldn't cry anymore. But it hurts so much…"

_So alone… _

Shinji was afraid. He wanted to comfort her, but he wasn't sure if she would accept it. She hated him, right? She didn't need him, right?

_It was all a lie._

"Damn it! Stop being such a wimp, Shinji Ikari and help someone for the first time in your life!" Shinji was still afraid of the girl, but perhaps, if only by a chance, he could help her. He moved himself closer to Asuka. And hugged her.

Asuka tensed. "What is he doing?" The warmth of another body felt so strange to her. As rain upon a desert. But it felt nice, to have someone by her side. Supporting her. Caring for her.

She slowly relaxed as she let her head rest on Shinji's shoulder. The boy gulped, but said nothing.

'What happens to us now, Shinji?' the girl whispered.

'I don't know…When I came out of There, I heard Ayanami saying that if people could imagine themselves by their own, they could return to the Earth and repopulate everything. Then we could find others, and survive until-'

Asuka softly snored besides him. Shinji smiled. "She looks so pretty…" He hugged her closer. A soft sigh of content could be heard. "Maybe we can overcome this."

_Where there is life, there is hope-Cicero _

**Author's Notes: I know it is too freaking short, but I swear: if I get good ideas I will make them much longer people. So give them to me please…Like it? Hate it? Tell me, I'm all ears!**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion or any of its characters. If I owned them, I would be living in an isolated Caribbean island with my beautiful girlfriends and a butler called Alfred.

_**If we all had a purpose in life, we would not live.**_

Of Lies and Tears 

**Chapter Three**

Night had passed, the day had come. Silence everywhere, as if a silent prayer was being cast by the mourning Earth. Destruction and death still reigned, but amidst despair, hope could be found. For there is no end, no closure of fate. There is only a new beginning. A chance to repair all former mistakes, a chance of redemption…

_As long as the Sun, the Earth, and the Moon exist; everything is going to be okay._

Asuka opened her eyes. "So the world never stops spinning, huh?" An ethereal glow covered the shambles of former Tokyo-3. All that could be heard was Silence, no birds to sing, no leaves to rustle with the wind, no Misato to scream in a drunken ecstasy. No nothing. "Maybe not." Asuka looked at her side. There he was: Shinji.

The boy slept in peaceful slumber, a content smile playing on his lips. His arms were sprawled over his eyes, trying to protect himself from the pervading light. But it was futile, and soon Shinji groaned in complaint, rolling himself over and over again only to end up face to face with the sand. Shinji's brain started to process the potential risk of inhaling it. " Shit, can't breathe. Wake up!" The boy coughed and sputtered as he rose from the treacherous bed. His entire face was covered with sand and the boy, blind, tripped himself, falling with a comical 'thud' to the ground. Asuka smiled.

Shinji slowly lifted himself from the embarassing position, brushing away the sand which had covered him. As he opened his eyes, he noticed that morning had come. "Strange," he thought " everything looks so different when light is cast…It looks prettier." He glanced at Asuka, who was still smiling. "I never saw her smile before…"

'Hey, Shinji. Get me something to eat. I'm starving, you now.' The girl whined.

'Okay, Asuka.'

Being ordered around didn't seem such a bad thing. In fact, as he set out on his newly assigned task, Shinji couldn't help but grin. He didn't know why, but he felt happy. Yet, he needed to find something edible, soon, or his happiness would come to a bitter end as an appetizer to a certain fiery girl who waited for him at the beach.

He found canned food in a local store. Now, let me stress this, it is a remarkable thing indeed. For who would have guessed that after the End of the World, a store would keep its structures to conveniently serve two famished 14-years old children? But I'm wandering off too much. A/N: Ignore this, please

Back to Shinji.

The boy struggled to carry the valuable goods in his arms, while keeping an eye at the road in which he was travelling. He had brought some Western pancakes, as he knew that Asuka would surely appreciate them, along with some things he deemed necessary: blankets, two tents, pans, water.

Shinji looked at the sky. It felt so relaxing, to walk in an empty path, without any concerns about time or other people. It was simply he and himself, and Shinji was uncommonly content. Lightly humming the _Ode for Joy_, the boy made his way back to the beach. Where Asuka was waiting for him. Impatiently.

'What took you so long, huh?' she screamed 'I was by myself in this awful place and where were you?'

'S-sorry, Asuka. I was getting food for us. You sent me to fetch it, remember…?' he mumbled.

Asuka's face suddenly grew softer. 'I did, didn't I? So…what'd you get?'

Shinji promptly set down the things he had brought. Nothing fancy: some rice, ramen, water, instant meals that could be easily cooked. Asuka saw the pancakes. She smiled inwardly. "Ha, there I go again. Doing that an awful lot, lately…"

The boy prepared a simple meal to eat. Gloating over it, the children were quickly satiated. Bellies full, lost in a dizzying feeling of fullness, they lay on the sand. Next to each other.

'You know, Shinji.' Asuka whispered. Shinji looked at her 'Has it ever occurred to you that we may be the last people in this world?'

Shinji was silent.

'It's horrible, you know. Not to know what can happen tomorrow, what the future holds for us. It's so uncertain it frightens me'

_But then, when was life ever certain…?_

'I guess there's nothing left to us but to live on.' She sighed.

Shinji remained silent. He was gazing at the clouds moving across the blue sky, abiding to the course of the wind. Everything looked so simple up there: there was always a definite course for them, there was no possibility to choose one thing or another. There was no choice to make, no consequences to pay.

"If I could become one of these clouds, then maybe I wouldn't have to worry anymore. Of course I wouldn't feel any happiness, but at least I would have no more responsibilities. Free of the burden of living. Free of everything…" He looked at Asuka. " But I wouldn't have met her. Or any of my friends. I wouldn't have felt joy or sadness, hatred or love. I guess life is worth living for."

'Maybe not, Asuka…' he whispered. The girl looked at him as he stood up. 'We still have each other, that's supposed to be something, right?' he smiled. Asuka blinked in surprise, but soon recovered her composure. She looked at him as he went down to fetch the tents and prepare them for their use. After all, dusk was starting to fall and soon they would have to sleep.

Asuka looked in interest as Shinji tried to arm the tents. Sweatdrops were starting to form in his forehead as he struggled to finish the shelters. "They are small…" she noticed. " And thin. It's not going to trap the heat inside well."

The moon had started to rise in the horizon when Shinji concluded their improvised residences. His shirt was drenched in sweat and his breath was coming in ragged huffs, but the boy seemed proud of his work.

'Hey, Asuka! We don't need to sleep on the sand anymore. I've got us some tents.' He exclaimed enthusiastically. Asuka rose from her throne of sand to observe Shinji's accomplishments. Two simple camping tents with zipper doors and no cushions beneath. Nothing too fancy, at least to the girl's standards.

'I guess it will work…for now.' Asuka said. She swiftly examined them, taking mental notes as to their size and shape. Finally, she chose the bigger one to herself, 'That's mine!', and entered it without second regards to Shinji, who stood dumbfounded.

Old habits die hard… 

Shinji removed his shirt and shoes, walking over to the shore where small waves of LCD crashed upon. Submerging his feet under the red liquid, Shinji reclined himself over his arms. He closed his eyes and sighed, as thoughts wandered in his mind.

" What are we going to do, now? No one has returned from There yet, and it doesn't seem very likely that it will happen. This is the End of everything I knew before. No more Evangelions, or Angels, or friends…But at least I have Asuka.

Are you happy? 

I think I am.

Are you really happy? 

Yes, I am.

Then why are you so lonely? 

I'm not lonely anymore. I have Asuka. That's all that matters to me. Before, I could walk into a crowded street and find myself lonelier than ever. No one would look at me. No one would care about me. I could die and they wouldn't give my body a second glance. Because I would be worthless to them. But not anymore.

Really? 

Yeah. I need her. And she needs me. Nothing else matters. The world may be destroyed, but we still have one another. What else could I ask for?

_You've grown, Ikari-kun._

Ayanami?

_Correct, it's me. I've came to visit you, Ikari-kun._

Why?

To see how you were fairing in this world. But it seems to me that everything is going accordingly, and little is left to change. Humanity will soon reconstitute itself from the primordial sea, and a new beginning will dawn to Earth.

I'm glad. But, Ayanami, when will you come back?

Don' worry about this, Ikari-kun. You will find me, someday…and until that day, I will wait for you...

'Hey, baka Shinji!'

"Huh?"

'Hey, Shinji! Answer me, you moron…!'

Asuka was growing concerned. He had stared at the sky for such a long time, lost in his thoughts, that she thought she had lost him. He didn't move or talk, only his regular breathing indicated any sign of life. He seemed to be in a completely different realm of reality. And she didn't like it. It was as if he were going far away from her. Leaving her behind. Alone.

'What were you thinking about out there, Shinji? You kinda worried me' She sat besides him.

'S-sorry Asuka, I didn't want to worry you' He stood up. 'I'm tired. I'm gonna sleep now. G'night Asuka'

But as he started walking towards his tent, he felt a hand tugging at his pants. He looked curiously at Asuka.

'What's the matter?'

'Can you sleep with me tonight? It's so cold when I am there, the blankets won't help'. A faint blush could be seen across her cheeks. 'Please. I don't want to be alone anymore.'

Shinji blushed. Nervously, he nodded his head.

Both of them entered Asuka's tent, arranging themselves as comfortably as they could. Shinji tried to keep a distance from her, but in the tiny space, that was practically impossible. Defeated, the boy lied right next to her, with his back facing the girl.

He was almost sleeping when he felt arms around his waist. Asuka moved closer to him, leaning her head on his neck and hugging him tightly. Shinji was in the verge of a nervous collapse when he heard a soft whimper.

'Don't leave me…alone…it hurts'

Tears sprouted from her eyes and small sobs escaped from her throat. Sadness consumed her as memories of a solitary childhood flashed through her mind.

So fragile… 

Shinji covered her arms with his own, holding her hands next to his heart. He understood her pain, her grief. He could help her…

' I'm here, Asuka. I'll always be here. We will never feel lonely anymore.'

She smiled.

**We have each other. That's all that matters.**

**A/N: I personally liked writing this chapter. In the middle I was stuck, but then Inspiration bestowed its gift upon me. Tell me what you think. I listen to reviews. Don't try calling me on the phone. That's why we have e-mails. **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Don't you understand? Me poor. Me live in Brazil. Money is hard to earn, y'know.

''-Dialogue

" "- Thoughts

_**The truth lies in our hearts.**_

**Of Lies and Tears**

**Chapter Four**

_Where am I?_

Darkness. A solitary prison which suffocates the human soul. There is no escape, for there is no end. Blindly, we travel through the Void of the Heart, carrying doubts and fear along our path, with nothing as a guide but our fragile soul.

_Where am I?_

An empty auditorium.

A chair on the center of the stage, illuminated by a solitary spotlight. And on the chair sat a Person. Head down. Alone.

_What am I doing here?_

It was cold inside the room. There was no comfort obtained from sitting. In fact, the chair served as a four-legged jail, a spot on which to be bound by invisible chains. No movement was allowed. And the person obeyed.

_I'm afraid._

An image of a crying boy flashed. A bag lay besides him. He stood alone in the sidewalk, tears flowing from his eyes. No one wanted him. No one cared for him.

_I don't want to be alone. It hurts._

No one can understand you. Humans seem to have this hope that one day they will fully comprehend each other. But they can never do it. Not entirely. Not enough.

_Is it true?_

The Person on the chair shuddered. His eyes were closed.

_Is it true?_

The chair moved back and forth. It was getting closer to the edge. Creeeekkk. Creeekkk. And then, it fell…

Shinji woke up. Cold sweat ran down his body, his eyes were frantic, his breathing coming through ragged huffs.

"What happened?"

The boy looked around.

He was inside a small tent. Light came through its thin walls, and the soft sound of crashing waves could be heard.

"It was just a nightmare…"

He put his hands on his face and let out a long sigh. 'I need to get some air…' As Shinji left the tent, he noticed that the sun had already risen, a bright yellow orb that illuminated the ruins of Tokyo-3. A soft breeze blew across the beach, a silent hush flowing along its course. Grains of sand danced along with it, mixing with the foams of the waves that crashed into the shore. Nothing was ever constant, it all played in a volatile rhytm, a constant change throughout time.

_Nothing lasts forever…_

The boy sat on the sand. He looked towards the horizon, the infimal borderline between sky and land. It looked so unreal. The more he focused on it, the less distinct it became. As if by searching for a limit, all he could find was another expanse.

_What is a dream?_

_It's an extension of reality_.

Shinji closed his eyes. It was all so silent. He could still hear the waves shocking against the beach, but somehow it had all been buffed. As if someone had decided to turn the volume down. The sand beneath his hands, he couldn't feel it anymore. As if his soul was detaching itself from the body.

"I've felt this already…During Instrumentality. Does it mean, it's not over…?"

The boy opened his eyes. But he couldn't see.

He was inside the Void again, only that now, it wasn't a dellusion of his mind. He was once again trapped in that empty, dark world, with only a spotlight illuminating a circle around his feet. He didn't like it.

'Hey, let me outta here. Asuka, Misato-san, Ayanami…help me! Let me go! I don't want to be here anymore…'

Why won't you stay?

'Because I don't want to!'

Don't you want to be perfect?

'No.'

How come?

'I can be happy even without being perfect!'

Then…are you happy?

'No…I mean, yes! I'm happy living in this world. I'm happy to feel life…to feel alive.'

Is this your choice? To live with the possibility of being hurt?

'Yes.'

I see…

A drop fell to the surface. Small ripples of light started to form, breaking apart the jail of darkness that imprisoned the boy.

And Shinji woke up again. Lying on the sand, hearing the light sound of crashing waves, bathing himself in the warmth of the morning sun. An air of peace hung on the air, and peaceful silence hushed all woes. Yes, he felt content. But…he was blind again.

'What the...' He stretched his arms forwards, trying to understand the reason why everything seemed so dark. Then he heard a stiffled giggle. 'Asuka...' He smiled.

Her hands were over Shinji's eyes, blocking his view. Barely supressed laughter came out of the girl's mouth as she saw his helpless struggle to get free from her grasp.

'Guess who, Shinji?' Asuka grinned, as she let go of the boy.

Shinji smiled sheepishly as he gazed at Asuka, dressed in a dazing yellow sundress, performing little pirouettes as a sign of her victory. How could he ever doubt of his happiness?

'Hey, Asuka. Where'd you get those clothes?'

'Oh, these?' she looked at her dress. 'Well, while you baka was sleeping like the lazy dumkopf you are, I decided that I, the Great Asuka Langley Sohryu, deserved bettter vestments. Then I went to the city to find some clothes. It wasn't that hard, you know. If you have some brains, that is...' and she laughed merrily.

Shinji sighed. "There she goes again." He shifted his gaze to the destroyed city, with its topless skyscrapes and empty streets. There was nothing to see but desolation, a mourning to the former glory of humanity's last refuge.The streets were empty, and a foreboding silence shrouded Tokyo-3. The boy shuddered "It's scary."

But then he looked at their current settlement, a precarious tent which barely fitted them both, without bathroom, nor kitchen, or any other modern comfort. "I guess it would be more comfortable if we moved to the city..."

'Hey, Asuka. Don't you think it would be better if we moved outta here?'

'You only realized that now, baka? Mein Gott, you're slow...' Asuka was already way ahead, her hands behind the neck, humming a soft tune. The sun bathed her skin in gold, her dress billowing softly with the breeze. Shinji looked at her longingly as she moved away and only one thought crossed his mind at that moment. "She's beautiful..."

And he smiled.

'Hoy, Shinji! Are you going to walk with me or not?' Asuka shouted.

'Coming...!' The boy ran up to her, soon falling to a steady pace by her side.

The two of them walked down the path in comfortable silence. Even though all of their surroundings were just ruins, little did it matter to them. All of their concerns, their minds, their hearts were focused on the warm feeling of having a person by their side.

_It is only with each other that we can fill the holes in our hearts._

Asuka peeked at Shinji. The boy was staring straight ahead, his dark blue eyes clouded in thoughts. "He looks so serious...His eyes have changed. Maybe he saw too much..." She walked closer to him. The boy didn't notice. Then she held his hand, entwining her fingers with his own. And he looked at her.

Time stopped. For one single moment, two souls lost themselves to each other's presence.

Words were not spoken. Breaths were not taken. Nothing, absolutely nothing, but two existences filling each other. There was no road to travel on, no world to live in. Only hearts and emotions mingling into one. They craved for each other. They needed each other. And, if only for a moment, the two of them felt complete...

But that instant passed, and the world retook its course. Asuka and Shinji continued their path towards the city, hands tightly knit to each other. The sun was setting in the horizon. The sky turned into a beautiful red, as tiny stars began to appear. They looked up.

'It's so pretty...'Asuka whispered, as she lay her head over his shoulder.

'I know' Shinji murmured. He leaned closer to her. 'I know...'

_**Live without remorse, love without regret.-Shogunate**_

**A/N: So...tell me what you think! Click on that little blue button written 'submit' on it give me your ideas...  
**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Spare me.

""- Thoughts

' ' - Dialogue

_**There is no life without dreams – Graffiti on a wall**_

_**

* * *

**_

**Of Lies and Tears**

**Chapter 5**

Blue reflections on the water. Everything seems so indinstinct, undefinable, as if this realm of reality was a mystery by itself. There are no boundaries, nor limits...it is a dream.

A face. A young girl with blue hair and crinsom eyes gazed at the farthering Earth. Her eyes, once so indifferent, now were filled with longing to a lost happiness.

_What do you hope for?_

Acceptance.

_Where will you find it?_

Not here. In order for acceptance to exist, a relationship is necessary. There is no one else here except me. No union can be made, thus I can't be happy.

_Who will you unite with?_

Ikari-kun.

_Are you sure?_

Yes. Only in him could I find someone who honestly cared for me. He tried to help me whenever I were in trouble. By his side, I don't feel worthless. By his side, I have a purpose.

_And what is it?_

To stay with him forever.

_Is this your choice?_

Yes.

_So be it..._

_

* * *

_

It's a small, dark room. A soothing silence hangs over the air, disrupted occasionally by the soft snores of two children lying in each other's arms. Sunlight shyly peeps in through a gap in the window, creating a strip of brightness across the floor. It is somehow comforting, this place. It feels as if...it were home.

'Home...' Asuka whispered. 'I feel at home.' She glanced at Shinji, whose face was few inches from hers, a small smile playing on his lips. He looked so calm, so happy...

Asuka smiled. She felt so content, that she could barely recognize herself.

"Where is the red-headed demon who terrorized everyone?" She sighed. "I don't need that mask anymore...I have Shinji." The boy still rested in peaceful slumber. "It's really strange how I never noticed it before...Maybe I did, it was just that...

I didn't want to notice it..."

"Always calling him baka, ironizing him, ordering him around. I was never kind to him. He saved my life many times, but never did I thank him. I pushed him away from me. I was blind..." She moved closer to the boy. "But not anymore. I won't be lonely again. Not again."

She pushed Shinji back and forth, trying to wake him up. Her stomach was growling in complaint, and the boy, in her opinion, had already slept enough.

'Hey, Shinji. Wake up.' The boy merely groaned in response, his eys still tightly shut, his face twisting into a frown at the annoying disturbance to his peace.

'Let me sleep...'

'No, baka. I'm hungry. Wake up.' Asuka continued her attempts to awake the lazy boy, who, at a last attempt to shield himself, pulled the blankets over his head.

'Okay. You asked for it. Wake up, now!' She pulled the blankets off. What she didn't expect was the quick response of Shinji, who mantained a firm grip over his last refuge. Trapped in a fierce tug-o-war, the two children struggled to gain supremacy over one another.

But Shinji, it seemed, had his hidden force to rely on. With a last effort, he succeeded to pull the blankets towards him.What he didn't think of, though, was the red-headed girl who was at the other side of the blanket. Caught by surprise, Asuka lost her balance and fell towards the floor. Shutting her eyes, she waited for the inevitable collision.

But instead, she landed on something strangely soft.

"What the...?" She opened her eyes.

Shinji's face was inches apart from hers, his lips parted slightly in shock. Asuka had fallen on top of him, her body pressed firmly against the boy's.

A moment of silence.

They were blushing furiously, embarassed as to their current position. But somehow their brains had stopped functioning, muscles stopped obeying, and the two of them found themselves unable to move apart. The only movement was the steady rise and fall of their chests, as ragged breaths escaped from their mouths.

The thin fabric that covered their bodies was not enough to prevent their warmth to mingle with one another. The proximity was intoxicating. The feeling of body against body, soul against soul, slowly hazed their minds, enveloping the two children in a shroud of unspoken longing.

Their eyes met.

Asuka lowered her head to the boy. "What am I doing..?" The distance grew shorter, their lips were almost touching. She could feel his breath waft over her face, leaving a tingling sensation wherever it touched. Unconsciously, she leaned her mouth against his. And she kissed him.

Another moment of silence.

Shinji was in shock. All coherent thoughts died when he felt her soft lips press against his own. Asuka was kissing him.

"What's she doing!" A suffocating warmth swelled in his chest. And it felt so wrong, yet so sublime. As if sin had its divine seduction, tainting forever the childish innocence the two of them had possessed. This was no kiss. It was desire.

Asuka deepened the kiss, pulling his neck towards her, desperate for his lips, his touch. The boy, overwhelmed by her crave, responded with equal force to her hungry mouth. And they devoured each other, consuming their last breaths and sighs to the bond between their lips, abandoning their souls and hearts for the intensity of the moment. It was an instant, it was eternity. It was sin, yet it was heaven.

_Who are we to try to define the world?_

The two children separated. Gasping for precious oxygen, panting lightly, they lay on the floor. Silent.

Shinji touched his swollen lips. "What was that...?" His mind was still reeling, his heart thundering in his ears. "What am I supposed to do now? Do I say something? I don't know..." He looked at the girl besides him.

Asuka touched her swollen lips. "What did I do now...?" Her heart was pumping painfully in her chest, her mind still dazed with what had happened. "Was it wrong to do it...? I don't know...But it just felt... so right..." She looked at the boy besides her.

Their eyes met again, but they swiftly looked away. An awkward silence settled.

"That's embarassing..." both of them thought.

"What do I feel for him?"

"What do I feel for her?"

Shinji gulped. He couldn't bear it anymore, this constricting uncertainty that filled the room. He needed to escape from it. He needed to run away again...

'A-asuka...I-i'm going out for a walk, okay..?' The boy stood up. As he was leaving the room, though, he thought he heard a sob. Not wanting to bear the weight of his choice, Shinji ran. He ran as far away as he could from the girl which so utterly confused him. He didn't want to hurt himself. He didn't want to hurt her. But the truth is, the damage was already done.

Silent tears flowed from the girl's eyes, muffled sobs escaping from her throat. It was dark inside the room. 'Oh God, what did I do...?' Asuka sat down against the wall, closing her eyes tightly as she hugged her knees. 'Mein Gott, it hurts...it hurts...so much.' And she cried.

* * *

Shinji was scared. Scared of what he had felt during the kiss, of what he had shared with Asuka. Those few minutes during which their lips touched were yet more intense than every moment of his life put together. And this fact scared him.

'What am I supposed to do, now? Go back to her...and do what?' He kicked a peeble on the road. It was midday and the Sun shone brightly, but little did it help to lift the spirits of the boy. He kicked another peeble. 'It's so damn confusing. I don't know what to do...'

'I promised her I'd stay by her side. I promised her. Why is it always so hard to keep it...?'

The soft sound of crashing waves reached his ears. There he was. The place where everything had ended. The place where everything had begun. The beach.

Shinji sat on the sand. The breeze was blowing gently against his face and the sand felt comfortable beneath. He sat there, doing absolutely nothing except staring off at the distant sea. "If everything were so simple..."

But then, something caught his attention. It was a body, floating over the LCL sea, approaching the shore. Cerulean hair, albino skin. It looked strangely familiar...

Shinji ran towards it, diving into the sea to retrieve the corpse. But then, when he had carried it to the beach and lay it on the sand, he saw two crinsom eyes staring back at him. The girl was breathing.

'Ayanami...?'

_**What does the future hold for us? Who will ever know?  
**_

**A/N: Phew, finally updated. It's been a rather busy week, with school off, watching the World Cup in Brazil...really difficult. Anyways...read it, enjoy it or hate it, and please tell me what you think.**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. How many times do I have to say this?

" " Thoughts

' ' Dialogue

**Of Lies and Tears **

**  
Chapter 5**

And it would seem that life is but a dream that fades away before we can even grasp it…

'Ikari-kun…'

It would be a rather strange sight. A naked albino girl lying on the sand, a boy sitting by her side, watching silently as the red waves crashed onto the shore. All was quiet, and the wind blew, the soft crashing of the waves entwined in a peaceful sonet for the two Children.

Rei looked at Shinji. The boy seemed unusually quiet, a frown across his face denounced some kind of worry. A long time had passed since she had returned from the Egg, yet he had yet to say a word to her. It seemed strange indeed.

For before she would be indifferent towards others, the cold Child with no emotions. Yet now, she longed for some kind of gesture, anything, anything, from Shinji. The boy who had opened her heart. Who taught her love. Lost in such epiphany, Rei did not notice the blush that seemed to get increasingly redder as he stole a peek towards her uncovered body.

It was becoming rather uncomfortable. Neither of them dared to break the awkward silence that had settled. Rei glanced at Shinji, their eyes met, but both of them quickly looked away. If such thing were to continue for the rest of the day, it would be a rather fruitless waste of time. Thus, Rei decided to take the first step, softly asking:

'Ikari-kun.'

'Huh? What is it, Ayanami?'

'Why are you so quiet? Are you not pleased that I have come?'

Shinji looked away. "I guess she's right. I should be happy that she has come. But…" he looked towards Rei.

'It's not that, Ayanami. I'm glad you have come back, it's just that…'

Shinji was lost for words. She was gazing at him, her crinsom eyes reflecting the sun of the afternoon sky. Losing himself in the hue of her eyes, he remembered the first time he saw her.

She had felt so cold. Whimpering in pain, white bandages covering her body, bloodstains, being ordered by his bastard father to get inside Eva and fight the Angel. It had seemed so ridiculously unfair, and for the first time in his life, he had made a decision: he wouldn't let that girl be hurt by anyone. He would fight in her place, fight for her.

_  
Protect those you cherish._

And it seemed so natural, as if an instinctive part of his soul had demanded him to act so. It felt…as if he had seen her somewhere before.

And for the first time, in his entire, pathetic life, he protected someone. Shinji protected Rei.

And she protected him. Against Ramiel, putting herself in front of his Eva, taking the murdering shot in his place. Listening to him in dreams, when he was lost in his doubts. When the world seemed to turn against him, she would appear and comfort him, in her own Rei-ish sort of way.

She would be cold, but at the same time comforting. As if the frozen expression she held was some angelic trait, a grace bestowed to a heart so pure, so innocent, that even though abrased by all the harshnesses of humanity, could retain its divinity, its unique beauty.

Shinji would often be dazzled by such a rare sight, an angel who fell from heaven, who did not fit into the mundane world but that nevertheless resigned to her fate. She had come to assist him.

But now, he felt confused as to his feelings towards her. And Asuka.

"Oh my God…I left her. And she was crying…"

Shinji felt a hand covering his own. He looked at Rei, who was silently gazing at him, her eyes filled with an emotion so devastatingly strong that he felt his heart swell painfully in his chest. It was longing and hurt, hurt for not receiving the affection she had missed so, the caring that he had so many times given to her.

There she had come, returning from the nothingness of Instrumentality, abandoning the perfection which was granted to her, just to meet him. "And what have I done?"

A feeling of guilt slowly creeped its way to his heart. She seemed so desolate, so desperate for his love. He had been a coward his entire life, if only he could break away from his previous fright, he could…

"Ayanami."

Shinji moved closer to Rei, feeling evermore accutely the blazing blush in his cheeks, as her exposed womanly figure rejoiced his eyes. Awkwardly, he settled right besides her, and closing his eyes, basked in the comforting feeling of Rei's presence.

There was silence between them. Both teens gazed to the neverending sea, melting in the glow of the setting sun. In such a magnificently short moment, it seemed to them that life would be better if they could only stay at that place, at that time, for eternity…

* * *

Asuka sat alone in the room. "Why won't he come back…? Shinji…" 

Hours had passed since Shinji had left her, night was nigh, and the moonlight trespassed the curtains to set an eerily glow on Asuka's face. She was a mess.

Her face was stained with tears, her eyes, her beautiful azure eyes, were so swollen from crying that she could not bear the pain of opening them anymore…They were dry, dry as her soul, as her lips which craved for a love that never came.

Asuka was yet again alone. She had trusted him. She had given herself to him.

And what had he done? Abandoned her, rejected her, hurt her like so many others before. "He was no better. That baka, I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!"

She punched the wall with all her might, but her body would not sustain such an effort. She hurt her delicate hands, leaving bruises and marks on them. Scars, scars in her hand. In her heart. She collapsed to the floor, exhausted.

A pathetic heap of body, shaking as agonizing sobs escaped from her throat. She touched her face. How rough had it become?

Who was to blame? Who was it to blame?

Shinji.

Shinji…

How could someone bring so much bliss and so much suffering upon her?

If only she could go back into time and stop herself from loving him, that stupid, good-for-nothing Shinji, perhaps she wouldn't have to go through such unbearable pain…

_  
A soul which loves and suffers finds itself in sublime state…_

It was true…she loved him, and there was no reason for it.

"I don't know how could I fall in love for that baka. When did I ever need him? Why would I ever need him?

He is a coward, a wimp…but there is something more, beneath that apathetic shell in which he hides. That smile. Those eyes which looked  
at me so kindly…"

Asuka laughed, but it was not mirthful, rather a terrifying, coarse laughter which reverberated in the dark room.

"I hate him, but I love him…Shit, I'm really messed up."

__

Carpe Diem…Life is short, live to the fullest.

**A/N: I'm terribly sorry for not updating for such a long time. I had lost my inspiration, but, then again, you never know when you feel like writing. So…hate me if you want, love me if you wish so, and please review. They do make me happy.**


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